Ten Questions I’ve Asked Myself Today

 

1.      
Why are there tongs on top of the dryer?

2.      
Does Jim Messina go around all, “That punk-ass
Loggins thinks he’s something? I was in Buffalo Springfield, bitches!”

3.      
Why does one pink ankle sock end up in EVERY
load of laundry I do? Where is the mate? How does it jump into the next load?

4.      
How did Brendan Fraser go from Gods and Monsters to Furry Vengeance?

5.      
How can Peppermint Patty be gay? She’s like ten.
And a cartoon.

6.      
When did my husband plant flowers in five gallon
pickle buckets?

7.      
…and why?

8.      
Is there such thing as too much pho?

9.      
Can I get through vacation without violence of
the sort that would make O-Ren Ishii look away?

10.  
No, seriously. What’s with the pickle buckets?

Wrong Phillips, Dude

MY FRIEND: Hey, what are you doing? Can you talk?

ME: Yeah, just packing and listening to some Utah Phillips.

MY FRIEND: OMIGOD! YOU? Are you serious? (singing) ….THINGS'LL CHANGE/THINGS'LL GO YOUR WAYYYY/ JUST HOOOOOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY…

ME: sigh