Briefly

Is there anything that makes a person as mad as biting down into something and taking out a big chunk of cheek with it? I just took a big bite of apple, all the while congratulating my choice of healthy snack, and CCCCRRRRUNCH!! Now it looks like my boss made me take the gauge out of my bottom lip.

There is nothing that can make me want to punch baby seals like taking a big bite of slobbery lip. Not stubbing my toe, not poking myself in the eye with the end of my hairbrush–shut up–nothing. I submit to you there is NOTHING that makes a person feel as stupid as the cheek chomp. You’re like me, right? You’re all look! Honeycrisp apples! The filet mignon of apples! And why should I stop to hack it into manageable slices? ARE WE NOT MEN?? The great thing about apples is they’re wash and wear, right? All was well until I got greedy. I thought I could get my mouth around an apple the size of a softball.

Hubris, friends. Hubris.

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Just spit it out, already!

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