Dubious About the Sincerity Of Their Smiles
Ah, The Millennials. Or perhaps you are referring to Women Of A Certain Age who believe arranging their bodies with the care of a mortician arranging a corpse for an open casket funeral will perhaps fool the world into believing they are not knee deep in hot flashes and standing prescriptions for Premarin cream. We believe the Head Tilt is a way of signaling the Mothership it’s a good time for Justin Bieber to release another single in the attempt to sap us of our bodily juices.
Anyhoodle, SLC does not like to have pictures taken of ourself because we believe it steals the tiny little piece of our soul we have left.
Dear Life Coach,
My husband wishes to incorporate bacon into our bedroom time. What should I do?
Are you vegan? Do you keep kosher? We do not see a problem here. A delightful breakfast in bed of bacon and waffles will fortify you for any Cosmo-approved randiness. So what if he wishes to eat the bacon off you whilst you recite the story of The Three Little Pigs? Do your thing, girl.
Dear “Life Coach”,
This feature blows.
Your lack of appropriate punctuation leads us to believe your name is also a pejorative term for the part of your anatomy which has never gotten closer to a woman than that time you were standing behind one whilst in line at the drugstore for your anti-fungal cream.
Also? Your mom.