Tag Archives: a list

Notes From A Doctor’s Waiting Room

4 Mar
  1. xanax for dinner It is too cold in the waiting room. This, according to the ladies nearest me. It is apparently a conspiracy that has something to do with insurance fraud.
  2. The coffee table is too small for this space.
  3. The same ladies who are cold and find the interior decorating lacking have just recited the weather report for the next. ten. days.
  4. If you need to feel young and vital, hang out in the waiting room of an eye clinic that primarily does cataract surgery.
  5. All contemporary Christian music sounds the same.
  6. I had forgotten how OBSESSED people in South Mississippi are with precipitation of any sort.
  7. Walmart is “controlled by Benton Arkansas.”
  8. With the prices we are all paying for healthcare, apparently there should be a larger TV in the waiting area.
  9. My next job will be one where I can wear scrubs. Scrubs are awesome.
  10. I have dealt with so many doctors in my life, I get itchy when they don’t just get to the point.
  11. I have used the phrase, “How the cow ate the cabbage” THREE times today and it’s not even noon.
  12. I blame my friend Laura Leigh for number eleven.
  13. It doesn’t matter where you’re from, everyone understands what a come to Jesus is.
  14. There are three floor drains in this room. Whoever decided this should be awarded the Medal of Freedom.
  15. All floors should have drains.
  16. I can leave all my stuff in my chair to go to the restroom because there is no one in this room who could move quickly enough to swipe my stuff before I got back.
  17. People watching should be an Olympic Sport. Both summer and winter.
  18. Husbands who steer their wives through the door by putting their hands on the small of their wives’ backs are the best.
  19. If I ever write a mystery novel, my nom de plume will be Benton Arkansas.
  20. What were we thinking with the whole brown lipstick thing and why is it still a thing?


Just Some Notes I Made

22 Oct

My gorgeous and talented friend Leigh gave me a little notebook that I keep in my purse. I use it to write down titles of books and movies I come across, grocery lists, and random bits of conversation that I want to remember. I was just going through it and found some random notes with absolutely no context AT ALL.

  • Interpretive cave tap isn’t something just everyone can pull off.
  • It’s not like you can soft-shoe in a cave.
  • That’s a go-to-hell Mennonite shed with nice shangles.
  • She’s common as pig tracks.
  • “Think of it as reupholstering. Your face is like a sofa. Every twenty years or  so it gets worn from too many people sitting on it.” (Note: I believe that might be from an Elizabeth Berg novel.)
  • Definitely use grommets.
  • Tell him how the cow ate the cabbage.
  • Then I am a liar and you are a pretty little girl.
  • Plow behind a willing mule.
  • Gassy goblins
  • “I’m not your cleaning-up monkey.”
  • “I think in this case the point IS mute because you aren’t listening to me.”
  • The one about how he beats his meat to make his chili
  • Snot-slinging drunk
  • Drunk as Moody’s goose

I think that’s a novel right there.

Culinary Westerns

9 Oct


The Good, The Bad, and The Hungry

The Outlaw Johnson and Wales

True Shrimp and Grits

High Tea

A Fistful of Dollar Menus

The Wild Bunch of Turnips

The Magnificent Seven Layer Dip

Blazing Saddles of Lamb

For A Few Dollars More You Can Supersize That

Lonesome Dove in a Wine Shallot Reduction

Red River Trout

Ride The High Country Fried Steak

Mackenna’s Golden Fried Onion Rings

She Wore a Yellow Squash



12 Sep

A list of things I did today that were not writing a post for the blog. In no particular order.

  1. Drove unwillingly to the suburbs. Not like at gunpoint unwillingly, but not like HEY! MY WEEK WILL NOT BE COMPLETE WITHOUT A TRIP TO COLLIERVILLE!!
  2. Drove very fast out of the suburbs.
  3. Researched whether or not we are still technically at war with Korea. Answer? Kinda, no. We were never technically at war, but we did sign an armistice. An armistice is not a peace treaty, but it does mean the sides agree to a permanent ceasefire.
  4. Learned that technically Russia and Japan are still at war. There was a dispute over the Southern Kuril Islands and they never signed a peace treaty after World War II.
  5. Was reminded the US did not restore diplomatic ties with Vietnam until 1995.
  6. Regretted my decision to take a class on Faulkner, Fitzgerald, and Hemingway for the simple reason the instructor says, “uh” too much.
  7. Got over it.
  8. Talked to my daddy who lovingly reminded me sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes really is daylight, but most of the time is attached to a train.
  9. Promised never to question the genetics of cynicism again.
  10. Had an AWESOMETERRIFICKILLER idea for a blog post and forgot it before I wrote a note to self.
  11. Pondered this question posed by Chuck Klosterman in Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs:

You’ve met your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years someone will break both of your soul mate’s collarbones with a crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear–for the rest of your life–sound as if it’s being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. if you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Lane Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).

Would you swallow the pill?