A Brief Update

You know how when a dog gets all in a skunk’s business you’re supposed to bathe him in tomato juice? It doesn’t work on humans.

PARTICULARLY WHEN IT’S SPICY V8 JUICE.

Which reminds me of this time I was at the beach and our neighbor heard that meat tenderizer is good for jellyfish stings so she kept some in her bag. So I get stung by this whale of a jellyfish, come running out of the water, she comes flying towards me and starts liberally dousing me with…wait for it…garlic salt.

Come to think of it, what is it with me and food on my body in emergency situations?

Briefly

tweet yallYes, I’ve been off social media for a while. Didn’t notice? Congratulations, YOU have a life.

Because I have some friends who are having weird horrible days today, let me just tell you that NOT ONLY did I burst into tears in the Auto Zone parking lot, I had to use Fix-A-Flat and CANNOT get the stench off me. I have showered AND rubbed my hands with alcohol. I have just washed my hands with vanilla extract. Now I am high and smell like a delightful baked treat.

YOU ARE WELCOME, INTERNET!!

Briefly: Duckfaced Naked Selfie Edition

I hate to give this woman any more hits by linking to her, so let me just say that if you spend any time on social media you’ve probably seen a post written by a mom of boys. It talks a lot about how she thinks young girls are skanks. I really wish I were as cool as this particular mom thinks she is. I’d have been a much better stepparent. Because make NO mistake, I am NOT the cool mom. That’s not my job. But I digress.

These Adorable Parents and their Adorable Boys go through Facebook together and girls who post bra-less selfies of themselves are blocked because, laydeez, you don’t want the Adorable Boys to think of you sexually, do you?

YES, YES THEY DO!

Yes, 14 year old girls who post pictures of themselves in bath towels DO want to be thought of sexually because in this world a woman’s worth is directly tied to how fuckable she is. And, guess what, the whole purpose of those stupid teenage years is to figure out that whole sexual self thing, often with CRINGE-INDUCING results. But that’s not my point.

My point is I’m really sick of The Cult of Victimized White Men. Oh, the poor American White Male. What’s he to do with all these wimminz running around without proper undergarments like Mommy used to wear? Oh, poor American White Male. She says she’s a good girl and rebuffs my advances, but look at her! And, in this case, Adorable White Parent thinks nothing of posting beach pictures of Adorable White Boys all over her blog because that’s not the same as posting pictures of Adorable White Girls in bikinis, right?

This idea that real men of character shouldn’t linger over pictures of women in bathing suits is ridiculous. And, not for nothing, it’s not like it takes bathing suit pictures to turn a teenage boy’s thoughts to lust. Pictures of broccoli will do it. That’s just how teenage boy hormones work. So as  parents, I believe our job is to say it’s less about the hormones and more about what you do with them. Why does Adorable Parent need to shame Adorable Boys into thinking something is wrong with them because they like looking at half-naked girls? The discussion of how we talk to girls about posting those pictures is another one. I’m saying having the whole Adorable Family sitting around a table, looking through what’s probably hundreds of pictures of teenage girls and deciding which ones should be blocked for content is really, well, creepy. Making decisions based on outward appearance about which girls are good enough for the Adorable Boys is wrong. Period.  Also, it seems to me if a family meeting is necessary to determine who makes the cut for Adorable Boys’ friends lists, maybe Facebook isn’t for you. There is nothing wrong with a parent saying, you know, I’m just not comfortable with this yet. THAT’S WHAT PARENTS DO.

Look, I’m down with what Adorable Parent is trying to do. I really believe she doesn’t want to raise men who will victimize women.  I believe she wants to raise men who will look deeper than a duckfaced selfie. But making a family bonding night of blocking girls who are struggling with their sexuality– just as the Adorable Boys are– is doing just the opposite. It’s just reinforcing women are nothing but shells.

Oh, I could go on, but I’ve titled this post “Briefly”. Also, I have to find some Super Glue because although we had 4,598 tubes last week, we have none the day I break my phone case. So let me end with this. There is a picture my brother sent me a while ago that came to mind as I read Adorable Parent’s treatise. It really sums up how I feel about this whole Victimized White Male discussion.

i need feminism because

(Note: I found out about this post because my friend Desi alerted me to a post from our friend Pernilla. He thinks it’s fun to get me all riled up. So does she.)