Notes From A Doctor’s Waiting Room

  1. xanax for dinner It is too cold in the waiting room. This, according to the ladies nearest me. It is apparently a conspiracy that has something to do with insurance fraud.
  2. The coffee table is too small for this space.
  3. The same ladies who are cold and find the interior decorating lacking have just recited the weather report for the next. ten. days.
  4. If you need to feel young and vital, hang out in the waiting room of an eye clinic that primarily does cataract surgery.
  5. All contemporary Christian music sounds the same.
  6. I had forgotten how OBSESSED people in South Mississippi are with precipitation of any sort.
  7. Walmart is “controlled by Benton Arkansas.”
  8. With the prices we are all paying for healthcare, apparently there should be a larger TV in the waiting area.
  9. My next job will be one where I can wear scrubs. Scrubs are awesome.
  10. I have dealt with so many doctors in my life, I get itchy when they don’t just get to the point.
  11. I have used the phrase, “How the cow ate the cabbage” THREE times today and it’s not even noon.
  12. I blame my friend Laura Leigh for number eleven.
  13. It doesn’t matter where you’re from, everyone understands what a come to Jesus is.
  14. There are three floor drains in this room. Whoever decided this should be awarded the Medal of Freedom.
  15. All floors should have drains.
  16. I can leave all my stuff in my chair to go to the restroom because there is no one in this room who could move quickly enough to swipe my stuff before I got back.
  17. People watching should be an Olympic Sport. Both summer and winter.
  18. Husbands who steer their wives through the door by putting their hands on the small of their wives’ backs are the best.
  19. If I ever write a mystery novel, my nom de plume will be Benton Arkansas.
  20. What were we thinking with the whole brown lipstick thing and why is it still a thing?

 

Culinary Westerns

 

The Good, The Bad, and The Hungry

The Outlaw Johnson and Wales

True Shrimp and Grits

High Tea

A Fistful of Dollar Menus

The Wild Bunch of Turnips

The Magnificent Seven Layer Dip

Blazing Saddles of Lamb

For A Few Dollars More You Can Supersize That

Lonesome Dove in a Wine Shallot Reduction

Red River Trout

Ride The High Country Fried Steak

Mackenna’s Golden Fried Onion Rings

She Wore a Yellow Squash

 

A List

In no particular order:

  1. The Thin Mint is the most overrated cookie on the planet.
  2. Department stores don’t need to compete with Walmart. They need to compete with other department stores. There is room in the market for department stores AND discounters.
  3. If you are a retailer not paying attention to the women’s plus-size market, you are foolish. Good taste is not abandoned once one reaches size 18.
  4. I shall now be known by my blues name: Blind Foot Bailey. What’s yours?
  5. The Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker–the finest of the Lip Smacker family–can appear and disappear at will. Just when you think you have three in your purse, you only have one. And it’s in the pocket of the jeans you just washed.
  6. The liquid Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker? Not the same. Not the same.
  7. hairbrainedschemes Etsy shop.
  8. I have my packets ready for the accountant! And the appointment’s not even until TOMORROW!
  9. There is no Standard Lav at Standard Shed. Wonder if I could put one in before Chuck gets home and tells me I got some ‘splaining to do?
  10. I’m all of a sudden, with no warning, drawn to pink. Is it wrong to paint the living and dining rooms pink? I don’t mean PANK. I mean like pink if Martha Stewart did pink. And would it work with a china cabinet painted cherry red? Yes, yes it would. Hmm…